The Morris Family

Editor's note:  Let me introduce you to the Morris family. Lindsey and I had the great joy of traveling together in China last year when she was adopting her first Chinese son and I was adopting my first Chinese daughter. A kindred spirit from the beginning, her earnest love for adoption and God's heart for orphans won me over. We've stayed in close contact over the past year and a half and her family is soon bringing home their third child from China!

With that, I turn things over to my friend, who will tell their story in her own words.   -Kelsey

We are the Morris Family!

I am Lindsey. Wife to Ryan, and Mom to seven kiddos under our roof right now, and one daughter still in China. From the beginning of our relationship, Ryan and I talked about adoption. It was a desire that God had given us both… even though we had no idea what it would end up looking like!

God gave us four birth children in five years. Our hands were surely full, but we still had a strong desire to adopt. We didn’t know ‘how’ to adopt. We began praying….putting one foot in front of the other…. Took each step one at a time. We ended up becoming a waiting family with our adoption agency in the fall of 2013 for a domestic adoption. We desired to have an open relationship with the birth mom and birth family. We wanted to be part of love, healing, and redemption in the life of our child’s whole family. Because of that we felt a clear calling to domestic adoption. As we went through the process, we knew God was calling us to be open to whatever child He had for us. We didn’t put any stipulations on what sort of medical needs, family history, etc. that we would accept. We knew that if God had a child for us through adoption, then He had a child for us through adoption!

In May of 2014 we got the call of a lifetime! We had a precious baby boy! He was at a NICU in a city close to us. We were scheduled to meet him the next morning. Our case worker was explaining to us that he was born with severe brain trauma, he was having seizures, and he wasn’t eating by mouth.….But, all I heard was, “you have a new baby boy!’ It was HIM! It was the child we had been praying for! We told our kids and planned to meet our new son! We went to the NICU the next day and we all got to go in and meet him. He. Was. Perfect. The nurse handed him to me and it was instant love. I didn’t see the wires attached to him, I just felt his sweet 10 pound body in my arms! I saw his dark hair, his sweet eye brows, his little mouth…. Our sweet Asher Levi. ‘Happiness’ that God ‘Joined to’ our family. A fearfully and wonderfully made little boy.

Asher was eventually diagnosed with Spastic Quad Cerebral Palsy. He is an amazing little guy who giggles when his older brother reads him Curious George books. He eats through a g-tube. He is learning to walk in a gait trainer. He loves southern gospel music. And, he has the biggest and brightest brown eyes I have ever seen!

God used Asher to open our eyes to special needs adoption! God used Asher to show us that children are all the same. They may have different abilities, but they are all the same….. fearfully and wonderfully made image bearers of our Lord. I am fully aware that Asher has Cerebral Palsy. But, I can say that I honestly don’t think of him as having special needs. They are just Asher’s needs. And, he is our son, so we do our best to meet those needs!

God used Asher to lead us to our next two sons. They are from China and they both have Down Syndrome. They are amazing little boys who happen to have an extra chromosome! Extra chromosome, extra awesome!! They fill our home with smiles and giggles and LOTS of cuteness! Our older kids are often asked, “What is it like to have two brothers with Down Syndrome?” Their answers always fill my heart with joy. They usually say something like, “I don’t think about them having Down Syndrome…. They are just my little brothers!”

While in the adoption process for our second son from China, God began to burden our hearts for the older children who are still waiting for families. When we saw a video of our sweet Penny, we knew she was ours! We knew she was a Morris! She has a smile that lights up a room. She has cerebral palsy.

She has a contagious giggle. And, she gets around in a wheel chair. We didn’t know how, but we knew that God was making room in our hearts for Penny! He was making room in our home, in our budget, in our time, in our hearts, and in our resources. God made room for each of our children. Love, Himself made room for us when He called us into the family of Christ, and Love Makes Room for what He calls us to do! We were given the joyful call of being Penny’s Mom and Dad. We would be honored if you would buy a t-shirt as part of a fundraiser to bring Penny home. We hope that as you wear the shirt you will think of Penny. We hope you will think of how God makes room for you in His family. And, we hope that you will ask God how He would have you make room for what He is wanting to do in your heart and your life.

-Lindsey

If you would like to help the Morris family bring their precious Penny home, follow these links below! 

Bonfire Funds t-shirt fundraiser, available through December 9
AdoptTogether crowdfunding, open until Penny is home!

What's on My Radar #1

I mentioned it briefly in the welcome a couple of weeks ago, I love stories. For me, stories come in many forms, from music to books to podcasts to TV shows to the occasional movie. Words are what get me through my day.

As I've been exploring how I relate to the world, it's clear that stories are my medium, both in how I communicate and how I like to be communicated with. As an INFJ (which I will touch more on in a bit!), I crave authenticity from people and love to hear how others view the world.

 In this ongoing series, I'm going to share with y'all the mediums that are breathing life into me. Other than it being media-related, there are no rules here. It may be news articles or podcasts or certain songs... the common thread is words, though.

Without further ado, here's what's piqued my interest recently.

An Ode to the Women Who Are Too Much  

I had never heard of Steve Wiens before I read this blog post, but this has been something that's been on my mind a lot off and on over this past year. Like I mentioned above, I am an Myers-Briggs type INFJ, which is the most rare personality type in the world, and have many times been described as a "bull in a China shop."

In addition to being an INFJ, I'm an external processor. I think big thoughts. I have big feelings. I hate injustice with a fiery passion and the world doesn't change fast enough for me. And I have a tendency to say all the things.  It can cause problems -- many people just don't know what to do with me. If you're one of these people, yes, I am well aware that this is a thing and that you feel this way -- another one of the gifts that go along with being an INFJ is being highly intuitive. I can read you. 

Back to Steve's post -- the post itself is short, but as I read I felt a wave of relief reading Steve's words and even more so after I did a little more exploring on his site and discovered he's a man of faith and a pastor. High five, Steve, for getting the women like me.

The Good Word, episode 119 // Spiritual Abuse with Carol Howard Merritt 

More Steve Wiens! Like I said above, I hadn't ever heard of him before that blog post but it sent me down the rabbit hole and I started listening to his podcast, The Good Word.

This breathed life into me, y'all. I feel like the title is a bit of a misnomer, because it's not just about abuse in the Church, but about hurt as well. One of the most poignant parts, paraphrased, was Carol's (who's also a pastor) comment how church is inherently vulnerable and with that vulnerability comes messy emotions. I really recommend giving this a listen if you've struggled hurts in the Church/religious organizations. I can't wait to give Carol's book a read now.

The INFJ Handbook by Marissa Baker

I'm sure you see a theme emerging. I've been exploring some thoughts and ideas about INFJs (Are adoptive parents more likely to be INFJs? Are INFJs difficult for people to understand because were rare?), but in order to answer these questions thoroughly, I felt like I needed to have a better understanding of what being an INFJ entails. The latter question is more for my own benefit and for the benefit of those I have relationships with. 

I grabbed this book off Amazon yesterday and sat down and read half before bed last night. The "bull in the China shop" personality trait can be difficult for me to manage effectively, especially in stressful situations.  This section, "Not Quite Ourselves," resonated with me: 

"For INFJs (and INTJs, who share Se as an inferior function), stress causes an "obsessive focus on external data," an "overindulgence in sensual pleasure," and an "adversarial attitude toward the outer world." The first one can make us irritable and obsessive. The second often takes the form of overeating, shopping for things we don't need, and generally becoming self-centered. The third is a defensive response to feeling like the entire world is spinning out of control." 

Yes, yes and also, yes. 

I have a few more INFJ books in my list of upcoming reading, but already my research has helped me understand my behaviors and traits better. This one's a quick read, for anyone who is an INFJ and wants to know more about themselves or anyone who loves an INFJ and wants to understand them better. 

Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

This is likely to be one of those books that sticks with me forever. It's been emotionally challenging, but also so. dang. good. Brene's ideas about grace and politics and communication push me out of my comfort zone, which is exactly what a good book should do, right? 

The following passage stopped me in my tracks and I've read it over and over again:

"If we’re going to make true belonging a daily practice in our lives, we’re going to need a strong back and a soft front. We’ll need both courage and vulnerability as we abandon the certainty and safety of our ideological bunkers and head off into the wilderness.

True belonging is, however, more than strong back and soft front. Once we’ve found the courage to stand alone, to say what we believe and do what we feel is right despite the criticism and fear, we may leave the wilderness, but the wild has marked our hearts. That doesn’t mean the wilderness is no longer difficult, it means that once we’ve braved it on our own, we will be painfully aware of our choices moving forward. We can spend our entire life betraying ourself and stood up for ourself and our beliefs, the bar is higher. A wild heart fights fitting in and grieves betrayal."

Dang, Brene. It's been a good counterpoint to the soul searching I've been doing about my "bull in a China shop"-ness, reminding me to embrace the healthy parts of my personality, the parts of God that He placed in me, but also holding a mirror up to those parts that need refinement. It's been an extraordinary read. 

I could go on all day about the words that are moving me, but we're going to wrap it up for now. I'll be back soon with the next installment of What's on My Radar. 

The fruits I bear, part 1

Writer's note: This is the introduction to a series about my personal spiritual growth and intentional cultivation of fruits of the spirit.  

Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

               Matthew 7:17-20

Have you ever met someone and immediately and innately known they're a believer? I've had a few instances in my life where this has happened and I've long wondered why this is. 

Over the past few weeks, I've been digging into scripture about how we, as believers, are supposed to be set apart -- in the world but not of the world -- and teasing apart what exactly does that look like, particularly for me?  

Without getting into the minutiae, this has been a struggle for me regarding the church post-election.  A year later, I feel like I am just now getting to a place in my own hurt and healing where I can honestly ask myself this question and I keep coming back to the same scriptures, and the same ideas, each time. 

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God."

                                                     Matthew 5:9 

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

Galatians 5:22-23

"Do not be quick with your mouth,

    do not be hasty in your heart

    to utter anything before God.

God is in heaven

    and you are on earth,

    so let your words be few.

3 

A dream comes when there are many cares,

    and many words mark the speech of a fool."

Ecclesiastes 5:1-7 

As I wrestle and read these words over and over, I see the themes emerging -- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control -- these are the prayer of my heart, how I long to set myself apart from the world. 

Let these be the things on which my mind dwells. 

Top 10 of My First 35

For those of you who know me personally, you know that music is what makes my world go 'round. In honor of my birthday, here are the most influential albums of my first 3-1/2 decades on this earth.

I heard once that we stop seeking new music by the age of 30, so I vowed to myself then that I'd never stop exploring new sounds and genres so it's an eclectic list, ranging from Nashville Sound to international hip hop, but they all have one thing in common -- these are the albums I come back to again and again.

With some artists, I struggled to narrow it down to just one album so I chose my favorite from that artist but the remainder were left off. Honorable mentions would go to Ryan Adams' Demolition, Michael Franti & Spearhead's All Rebel Rockers, as well as some newer albums that haven't been around long enough to make the cut -- such as Rend Collective's Art of Celebration.

So here they are, in no particular order, along with a couple of my favorite tracks.

Ryan Adams -- Cold Roses
I struggled to pick just one Ryan Adams album. He's long been a favorite of mine, from the more alt-country Heartbreaker to this album, which has a more '70s rock and roll vibe. My favorite tracks include Beautiful Sorta and Easy Plateau.

Postal Service -- Give Up
This one feels almost a little cliche to include, but it's probably for a reason -- it's a damn good album. From beginning to end, it's nearly perfectly crafted and years later, it still gets played regularly around here.

The Head and The Heart -- Self titled
I can't remember how I came across The Head and The Heart, but this album quickly became a favorite. Dual male/female vocals and harmonies that are perfection are a surefire way to win me over. Rivers and Roads still gets played nearly on the daily.

Michael Franti & Spearhead -- Yell Fire!
Let me just tell you right off, I'm fairly obsessed with MF. In my adult years, he's been an influential musician and thinker in my life. On first listen, some of his music is fairly fluff-filled, but much of it's political and thought-provoking. One of my favorite stanzas ever is in Hey Now Now.

"Be who you are nothing more nothing less, and let the beauty that you love be the very best
Sing praises to the highest with your feet on the ground, and reach to your brother with the words that you sound, and don't let mistakes be so monumental, and don't let your love be so confidential, and don't let your man be so darn judgmental, and please let your heart be more influential
Be thankful for all that the spirit provides, and be thankful for all you see without eyes, and be thankful for the music that keeps us alive, and give thanks to earl DJs worldwide"

Beautiful, moving and basically how I live my life. Can't get better than thought-provoking dance music, in my opinion.

Neko Case & Her Boyfriends -- Furnace Room Lullaby
Probably one of the darker, more complex albums on the list, but as a vocalist myself, Neko Case is where it's at. It's a beautiful combination of haunting vocals and gut-wrenching content. Set Out Running is one I'm sure my neighbors hear me belting on the regular, but South Tacoma Way is by far my favorite. For reasons unknown, it always brings my uncle, who passed away several years ago, to mind. As a fellow lover of music, I am sure he would have loved this album too.

Bob Marley -- Exodus
Does this one even need an explanation? I mean, it's Bob. One Love/People Get Ready is my favorite track. Lyrically beautiful and always moves me.

"Let's get together to fight this Holy Armageddon (One Love!)
So when the Man comes there will be no, no doom (One Song!)
Have pity on those whose chances grows thinner
There ain't no hiding place from the Father of Creation"

K'NAAN -- Country, God or the Girl
Fair warning -- don't listen to the unedited version with kids. Just don't. K'NAAN is another artist who's been influential on me in my adult years -- he's a Muslim, former Somali refugee who now calls Canada home. He's continually expanding my world view. His Insta is a great follow, as well. One of my favorite tracks on this album is Sleep When We Die feat. Keith Richards. The video to Hurt Me Tomorrow is just brilliant.

Mike Doughty -- Haughty Melodic
Mike Doughty first came onto my radar when I was 12 years old, when I first heard Soul Coughing's Get on to the Bus. I was hooked. It's weird. It's erratic. It's musical brilliance. The weirdness has subsided at least some thanks to MD leaving the smack behind, but his brilliance remains. I had the great joy of seeing Mike play in a living room in front of just 50 of us here in Omaha a couple of years ago and it was well worth the 20+ year wait to finally see him. Hear the Bells is one of my favorites from this album, but really, pretty much anything he writes, I love.

Kay Hanley -- Cherry Marmalade
Kay Hanley is another one I've had my eye on for much of my life. I saw Letters to Cleo play 21 years ago and spent some time backstage with Kay afterward. Thus, a musical love affair was born. This album is especially one I love to play when it begins to get chilly outside and the leaves start changing colors. Faded Dress is probably my favorite track of the album, but Happy to be Here is just FUN, hearkening back to to Letters to Cleo days.

Roger Miller -- His Greatest Songs
Roger Miller is a holdover from my childhood. I don't remember ever going on a road trip without listening to Roger. I love all of it, but his rendition of Me and Bobby McGee has grown on me more and more as I've gotten older. I couldn't find the exact album that I own, purchased two decades ago at Walmart in their bargain CD section, but Walkin' in the Sunshine is always worth a listen too. I can't imagine anyone could be in a bad mood while listening to it.

There we have it -- the top 10 albums of my first 35 years. Have a favorite album you think I'd love? Link to it in the comments!  

A welcome

A few weeks ago, I sat at my computer and posted something like this on Facebook:

"Fellow creative souls! I need some help. Due to Ehlers-Danlos, I've had to stop sewing and I need a creative outlet. Does anyone have suggestions?"

Suggestions from fellow chronic pain sufferers began to pour in, ranging the gamut, but one rang in my head -- my aunt, who suggested I should write.

Many months ago, before I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, but when I suspected I had it, I began dreaming of a space where I shared about EDS and this name popped into my head -- "Life, Dislocated." As I began thinking about my aunt's words though, I began thinking about how this applies to so much more of my life. Not just the joint dislocations but...

About the unexpected way my family has been built.

About the ways my faith and politics have collided.

About the ways I continue to heal from old, painful wounds from years gone by.

Can you stop with me for just a moment? Can you imagine something that makes your heart leap? Can you imagine something that always draws you in? Something that drives you? Something you long for in the deepest recesses of who you are?

I never fancied myself much of a writer, really. But I love words. I live for stories.

Each day is filled with stories. I read stories. I listen to stories. I watch stories. I write my own stories. Stories are what make my heart beat faster. Stories are what pull me through the day. And so the answer came to me...

A place where I can tell my stories; a place where I can share the words tumbling around this busy brain of mine; a place to share the journey of finding home and healing in my story.

Welcome to Life, Dislocated.

A life turned upside down

Five years ago this week, I responded to my last "would you like to be considered for this child?" email from our agency. We responded "Yes! Please show our profile!" only to find out a few days later that the expectant mother's plans had changed.

A few days later, a girlfriend and I went out of town for the day, blowing off steam from the heartache I felt. On our drive I told her "I'm calling our social worker tomorrow to tell her I'm done."
We'd been in the process of domestic adoption for 18 months and I was drained. Nothing can prepare your heart for being ready to say "yes!" to a child sixteen times and to not be chosen. I couldn't imagine continuing on.

We went shopping, had some Mexican food and margaritas and my heart felt peace. I was ready to let go. 

Then my phone rang. 

"Kelsey, I have some news for you. You have a son."

Wait. What? In an instant my world turned upside down. Five hours later, there was a beautiful little boy in my arms. 

I was reflecting on the last five years earlier today. Five years ago, I gave up on ever being a mom. But today I came home to my feisty little boy who turns five on Sunday. I came home to my 5-1/2-year-old son, who came home three years ago, who got the giggles when he saw me come into the room and couldn't stop smiling for a good 20 minutes. I came home to my almost 3-year-old daughter, home one year yesterday, who grinned ear to ear when I was standing over her bed when she woke from her nap. 

Some days, the mundane can get to me. The days are much the same when you're mom to littles. 

Today, I kissed boo boos today. I changed diapers. I fed kids. I gave tickles and baths. 

But today, I thanked God for the mundane. Today I reveled in it, thanking God for turning my world upside down five years ago and blessing me with these little people. 

365 days

One year ago tonight, this tiny 19 pound 23-month-old girl was placed in my arms for the first time. Her head was buzzed and her ears stuck out. She flashed me the goofiest grin and I was instantly smitten. We drove through the orphanage gates and even though I was asked if I would leave her behind, she and I never looked back.

We haven't had the picture perfect adoption story. We didn't get a fairy tale ending where we came home and discovered she had no special needs at all. In fact, in addition to confirmed cerebral palsy, Lorelai has needs we had no idea about including severe hearing loss and other things she's still undergoing testing for. We struggled through months of sleepless nights, food battles and fear of the outdoors. Our transition wasn't smooth and often, it wasn't rosy.

I will not lie to you and tell you she was an easy "yes." She wasn't. It is terrifying to say "yes" to the unknowns, to the brokenness, to knowingly open my heart to the hurt.

I wrestled for months, even though I knew how amazing special needs adoption can be. Even knowing this, the "yes" was not easy.

I didn't say "yes" because I am brave or strong or fearless, but because I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and loves this little girl more than I could ever imagine. I said "yes" because even in my fears, I trusted my Heavenly Father when He said to me "You are the second mama I have chosen for her."

In the last 365 days, we have seen her come alive.

We've seen her gain joy.

We've seen her discover love.

We've seen her go from an empty shell to a treasured daughter, a daughter who knows she was chosen, wanted and so very loved.

The "yes" is never easy, my friends, but incredible things seldom are.

Say "yes." Jump and say "yes." I promise, the joy is so much greater than the fear.