Dan and I have been together for the better part of a decade now. I was 21 when we started dating, 22 when we got married. Obviously, in the span of 10 years, especially since most of those 10 years were in our 20s, we've both changed. But even after 10 years together, Dan is still my favorite person. Don't get me wrong, he can drive me crazy faster than anyone, but he is the person I enjoy being with the most.
I don't know about you, but my vision of what a marriage should be was pretty skewed in my early 20s (thanks, Disney!). I think many young women, and men too probably, suffer from this. We put crazy expectations on our significant others - "I'm looking for my soul mate!" "So-and-so is my better half!" - and we expect to marry Prince Charming incarnate.
I see two big dangers with this kind of thinking - Firstly, when we are looking to someone else to fulfill us instead of fulfilling ourselves, we don't see our partner for what they are, a partner in our lives not our savior. When we expect someone (anyone!) else to meet all of our needs and fulfill our happiness, we inevitably set ourselves up for disappointment.
Secondly, my concern with calling someone your "better half" is that it diminishes who you are, and it implies that you are an incomplete person.
I don't want you to misunderstand me. I like being married. Dan and I work together really well and largely, we complement each other's strengths and weaknesses. We like to be together, and he still makes me laugh all the time. But this is what I want to convey to you - Dan's still my best friend and my favorite person because I don't expect him to be everything to me and to fulfill my every emotional need.
It's really quite a liberating thing to realize; the ability to live a fulfilled life lies in me. It's not because I am married to a really awesome guy. Dan plays a huge role in the fulfillment of my life, but marriage is not the reason why I am fulfilled.
Do you struggle with idealization of relationships, marriage or otherwise? Do you disagree with my stance? Tell me about it in the comments!
I was going to say that you learned fast in your young life, but I think you started OUT right, Kels! <3
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