Day 9 - How to be a Super Friend

So much of living a fulfilled life isn't really about us. Have you ever thought about that? You see, some of my happiest moments are when I am doing something for others instead of myself.

 

 

On Day 2 of Get Uncomfortable we talked about cultivating friendships and the difficulties that come with making friends as an adult. Today I want to talk to you about being intentional about your friendships and being a super friend, not just making friends.

A friend of mine in South Carolina is the one who got me started thinking about what a good friend looks like. I have lots of extraordinary people in my life, but she is always so intentional and thoughtful about her friendships. I remember shortly after we began hanging out she took a day trip to a nearby city and came home with a little present for me. I'd never had a friend do something like that for me before!

Like many people, thinking of others before myself isn't something that comes naturally to me. It's something that I have to practice at, and often I fail. I think, though, we forget that our friendships aren't there just to serve our needs, but those of someone else too, and in my experience, friends that are thoughtful about me and my needs are the friends that challenge me to grow the most.

When I imagine what a super friend looks like there are few words that especially come to mind:

Hospitality.

Merriam-Webster defines hospitality as this: "generous and friendly treatment of visitors and guests : hospitable treatment."

I think the notion of hospitality has become watered down in our country. I mean, we call the hotel and restaurant industries "Hospitality." Yes, they may be friendly towards guests, but to me true hospitality comes from a place of love and of generosity, not from a place of greed.

What I think is a more accurate picture of hospitality is this: Warmth, generosity, serving and sharing with an open and gracious heart.

Service.

Service is the companion to hospitality, in my opinion. They're not the same thing, but are so intertwined they can't be separated when speaking in terms of friendship.

 For example, the day we got the call that we'd been chosen to adopt Max, we had five hours to prepare. We didn't have a thing for a newborn aside from a crib. My closest friends helped us get everything in place before Max arrived and offered ongoing service of help at home and with meals while we adjusted to being parents so suddenly!

Their service made me feel loved and valued as a friend.

Thoughtfulness.

I was laid up for two months after my latest spinal surgery. When you have a family who depends on you, two months can seem like an eternity! A good friend organized and gathered restaurant gift cards from our mutual friends and acquaintances during my recovery, a gift that supplied us with eight or 10 meals.

Thoughtfulness can come in many shapes. It may be just bringing a trinket back from a trip like my good friend did for me or it could be something big and life-changing for your friend.

The most important thing to remember with thoughtfulness is to listen and understand what your friend's needs are. We can only provide what is needed if we pay attention!


I know this doesn't look like your typical list of what a friend should look like; there's no honesty or loyalty mentioned here. I trust that you know how to be a good friend already!  What I want to challenge us to today, though, is getting from good to super. 

We all need a shoulder from our friends every now and then, but I want to shift my thinking from what I need from my friends to what I can give. How can I serve them better?

How do you feel you best serve your friends? What's your biggest struggle? Do you expect more than you give in your friendships? Tell me your story in the comments!