Monday, August 3, 2015

You're wrong about adoption fundraisers and here's why


                         

I read a blog post a couple of weeks ago that put me in a terrible mood for two days; it was about why adoption fundraisers are a horrible idea. It was just a couple of days after we announced that we were planning to adopt again and we'd just begun our quilt giveaway.

I questioned what I was doing. Should we be doing this entirely on our own? I felt guilty. I felt sad. I felt embarrassed that, although they weren't specifically talking about me, some people think what we're doing is so terrible they will post photos of families' fundraiser sites and vilify them.

One of the things I've heard from people is the mentality of "if you can't afford it, don't buy it." This, in particular, grieves my heart. Friends, we aren't talking about crowdfunding to buy a sports car you can't afford or to take a lavish vacation. In fact, we're not talking about buying anything. We are talking about paying fees -- the salary of a social worker, background checks and immigration paperwork, state seals on dossier documents, travel expenses and in some cases, a fee to help fund the orphanage your child has been in.

I don't know about you, but I don't have $35,000 just hanging around doing nothing. I live in an average house in an average neighborhood. Our cars are paid for --one is 11 years old, the other was given to us by someone who knew we'd need a bigger vehicle for Michael's wheelchair. Other than mortgages (we also own a property in another state we've been unable to sell), we have no debt. We live within our means and we are able to provide for our children, and still be able to save some money. But, do we have enough to pay for an entire adoption? The answer is a resounding "no."

Adoption is crazy expensive. I hate how expensive it is. But, friends, we aren't talking about luxuries -- we are talking about CHILDREN. Children who are already on this earth. Children who are spending their lives in institutions instead of in a home with a family.

Please, don't misunderstand -- I do not believe it is right to fund raise for adoption fees when the sole reason for relinquishment is financial. We cannot be fighting for the cause of the orphan when we aren't fighting the reasons why there are children in orphanages to begin with.

We should be fighting abuse of a system that was intended to protect and provide for children. We should be fighting for change in the broken system that has created an industry out of poverty orphans. We should be fighting for families; it should be our priority to preserve families of origin and to step up when preservation if no longer a viable option. We should be fighting for social change so that someday children with disabilities, or of the wrong gender, or with deformities won't be discarded, to spend their days in institutions.

But until that day, there will be a need for adoptive families. Are we to say those children should stay in an orphanage because, although their prospective adoptive parents had the money to raise them, they didn't have enough money for the fees involved in adoption? This makes no sense to me.

Adoption shouldn't be only for the rich, because were this the case there simply wouldn't be enough families. There aren't enough families NOW; if we exclude an enormous population who is capable, willing and otherwise financially sound, we are dooming that many more children to a life without family.

As Christians we are called to care for the orphan and widow; some of us are called to send, while others are called to go. Me? I've been called to go.

I never want anyone to feel pressured to give to us. I'm not expecting a hand out. I don't expect to be given something for nothing. I will work my hands to the bone, rising before my children and going to bed long after so that I have time to sew and sell my products. I am and will continue to WORK to raise the money needed to bring my daughter home.

And I will pray that people will be receptive to what we're doing. I will pray that God will place an understanding in their hearts that we are talking about children, children who desperately need love and a family, children that could be provided for were it not for FEES standing in the way.

4 comments:

  1. So poignant and true. Thank you! I had so many similar thoughts going through my mind, getting ready to blog about it myself! We are one month into our own adoption journey and I have hated how much time I have to spend even thinking about money. I would rather be thinking about our new son and preparing our family and home for him! God is providing and showing us extra ways to work and save and sell. Our Toby is so worth it! Thanks again and blessings to your family!
    -Kameron Meyer
    Www.tobyourtreasure.blogspot.com

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  2. Absolutely agreed! Sometimes when people say something like, "If you can't afford it, you shouldn't do it", I ask them what their credit card balance is, and then ask how much more important the life of a child is than "things". I also think it provides an important way for those who can't adopt to be involved with the blessing and call for Christians to care for orphans and widows.

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  3. Awesome post, Kelsey. Couldn't agree more with your thoughts.

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  4. My (ex) husband and I adopted our daughters thru a state agency. While we were not wealthy, we did live comfortably. As the foster care system is so over worked and understaffed, they also encourage adoption of "special needs" children. These children have problems that range from simply being "too old" (not newborn babies) to having severe physical/mental handicaps. These children need homes so badly and the states are so desperate to find these children loving, permanent homesthat the state is willing to pay for all adoption fees.
    I do not feel that it is wrong to fundraise for the purpose of adoption. Rather, I assisted in those fundraising attempts when friends of ours became parents to a beautiful, international child. God bless you for wanting to provide a loving, stable environment for that child! My (current) husband and I are the proud parents of four adopted children (two from my first marriage), one biological child of his from a previous marriage, and, are in the process if adopting another!

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