Why "Gotcha Day" Rubs Me The Wrong Way

Holding Max for the first time

If you're at all connected with adoption, and likely you are because you're here, you've probably heard the phrase "Gotcha Day." If not, let me explain.

Gotcha Day is a phrase used to mark the day of placement of an adopted child with their adoptive family. What a glorious, marvelous day it is for the adoptive families. We wait, we pray, we hold on so tightly to the dream that someday we will finally have a precious little one in our home and when that day finally arrives, no day has ever been so sweet and precious to us.

Again, if you're at all connected with adoption you've likely heard the phrase "adoption triad." That's right, there are three parties involved in an adoption- adoptive parents, adopted child, and birth parents.

Daddy and precious baby boy

So here's the rub- The phrase "Gotcha Day" seems callous and insensitive to me. The day Max arrived in our home was the most incredible day of my life. I had waited so long for him and here he was, finally in my arms!

The thought, though, never left my mind (and still is with me every day) that Max has two birth parents who love him every bit as much as I do and the day that was so wonderful for me was no doubt the most horrible, heartbreaking day of their lives. In addition, my sweet baby boy had spent 9 months in the womb of his birthmother, hearing her voice, bonding with her, only to be placed into the arms of another mother, who loved him unconditionally and wholeheartedly from the first moment, but a mother who was a stranger.

First feeding- I wasn't sure how to hold the bottle!

I would love to feel okay about celebrating "Gotcha Day" and throwing Max the most amazingly huge party every single year. June 18 is the day my life changed forever. It is a precious gift to me and is incredibly, incredibly special. But how can I celebrate "Gotcha Day" when I know the day that gives me so much joy will no doubt bring pain and sorrow to Max's birth mother and birth father, and quite possibly to Max too.

What I propose instead of "Gotcha Day" is "Family Day." June 18 is the day Max came into my life and the day I became his mother forever, but it's also the day that we became a family. Now that is a sweet, sweet thing indeed.

I would love to know, what do other families with adopted children do to mark the day their children came home? What are your feelings on "Gotcha Day"?