Absolutely brilliant video- It's hilarious (I was crying from laughing), but very real insensitive, inconsiderate questions that transracial families get asked. Thanks to Kristen Howerton and crew.
Very well done and humorous! I am sorry for any thing I ever said that may have been interpreted as insensitive to transracial families! Most of us are just so curious, and have no check valve between our brain and our mouths!
I thought it was a good mix of the ridiculous with the real. :-)
And I'm not looking for thanks or apologies from anyone. I know that curiousty naturally comes with being a conspicuous family. I don't even think that these are necessarily *bad* questions to ask- I think a lot of it is simply in approach.
I had a really similar to this video happen in the grocery store the other day. The lady asked a lot of questions that I was kind of taken aback by, but I answered her questions politely and thoroughly- turns out she was interested in adopting a child herself. Sometimes it's not as offensive as it may even seem at first. :-)
In general, people can come across sounding insensitive when they just don have a clue. We can take offense, or we can laugh, BUT we should consider it a wonderful opportunity to graciously educate those people about whatever it is. They in turn become enlightened and can share that with others as well. I'm glad this video made you laugh, Kelsey. I also hope that sincerely asked questions by the uninformed will open up a dialogue where you get to teach others about your heart. :)
I, of course, always want to err on the side of understanding and graciousness. I get that some (maybe even a lot) of people have questions and don't necessarily understand transracial adoption, or even adoption for that matter, which is a big part of why I have started this blog.
I do get asked a lot of these questions pretty frequently, but I try to take them as an opportunity to share, even when I do find the questions invasive or insensitive.
I just want to clarify in case I wasn't clear with the original post. I find the video funny, but that doesn't mean I take these questions lightly. No matter how intrusive I feel a question is, I always try to answer respectfully, even if it's respectfully telling someone I'm not going to answer. :-)
I think you've done a great job responding to the replies here! There are two camps (at least), those who are/have adopted trans-racially and those who haven't. Or even adoption in general. I know I'm one of those people that can ask some "inquiring minds want to know" questions. So I can only speak for those who just want to know what motivates others.
I have one African-American friend that I have asked many "racial" questions of. And she has been so gracious to educate me! lol! But then, she understand where I'm coming from. I suppose often these adoption questions get asked by total strangers, and I can see why that would be awkward!
Good topic, Kelsey! These kinds of conversations are so important!
You're exactly right. And I think it's one of those things that can't be fully understood unless you're in the transracial adoption camp, ya know? Even then, maybe not. I don't get the hair comment in the video, but obviously it's something that's common enough to make it into the video! Maybe it's something I'll get when Max actually has hair. ;-)
I think it is great to have conversations about race. I think asking questions is a way of showing you care enough to try to understand. It's just a matter of being respectful about how you ask your questions. Having someone you trust to ask questions of is key, I think, as well as them knowing it comes from a place of goodness!
Very well done and humorous! I am sorry for any thing I ever said that may have been interpreted as insensitive to transracial families! Most of us are just so curious, and have no check valve between our brain and our mouths!
ReplyDeleteThank you for grace! xoxo
I thought it was a good mix of the ridiculous with the real. :-)
DeleteAnd I'm not looking for thanks or apologies from anyone. I know that curiousty naturally comes with being a conspicuous family. I don't even think that these are necessarily *bad* questions to ask- I think a lot of it is simply in approach.
I think most people would be mortified if they saw themselves on video after asking those questions .........
ReplyDeleteI had a really similar to this video happen in the grocery store the other day. The lady asked a lot of questions that I was kind of taken aback by, but I answered her questions politely and thoroughly- turns out she was interested in adopting a child herself. Sometimes it's not as offensive as it may even seem at first. :-)
DeleteIn general, people can come across sounding insensitive when they just don have a clue. We can take offense, or we can laugh, BUT we should consider it a wonderful opportunity to graciously educate those people about whatever it is. They in turn become enlightened and can share that with others as well. I'm glad this video made you laugh, Kelsey. I also hope that sincerely asked questions by the uninformed will open up a dialogue where you get to teach others about your heart. :)
ReplyDeleteI, of course, always want to err on the side of understanding and graciousness. I get that some (maybe even a lot) of people have questions and don't necessarily understand transracial adoption, or even adoption for that matter, which is a big part of why I have started this blog.
DeleteI do get asked a lot of these questions pretty frequently, but I try to take them as an opportunity to share, even when I do find the questions invasive or insensitive.
I just want to clarify in case I wasn't clear with the original post. I find the video funny, but that doesn't mean I take these questions lightly. No matter how intrusive I feel a question is, I always try to answer respectfully, even if it's respectfully telling someone I'm not going to answer. :-)
ReplyDeleteI also want to add that a question that may be offensive to some families with adopted children may not necessarily be offensive to others.
ReplyDeleteI think you've done a great job responding to the replies here! There are two camps (at least), those who are/have adopted trans-racially and those who haven't. Or even adoption in general. I know I'm one of those people that can ask some "inquiring minds want to know" questions. So I can only speak for those who just want to know what motivates others.
ReplyDeleteI have one African-American friend that I have asked many "racial" questions of. And she has been so gracious to educate me! lol! But then, she understand where I'm coming from. I suppose often these adoption questions get asked by total strangers, and I can see why that would be awkward!
Good topic, Kelsey! These kinds of conversations are so important!
You're exactly right. And I think it's one of those things that can't be fully understood unless you're in the transracial adoption camp, ya know? Even then, maybe not. I don't get the hair comment in the video, but obviously it's something that's common enough to make it into the video! Maybe it's something I'll get when Max actually has hair. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI think it is great to have conversations about race. I think asking questions is a way of showing you care enough to try to understand. It's just a matter of being respectful about how you ask your questions. Having someone you trust to ask questions of is key, I think, as well as them knowing it comes from a place of goodness!