Little Bee, Chris Cleave
I'm not a big risk taker. At all.
That might surprise a lot of you, especially those who know me in person. My hair has been just about every color under the sun. I have a lot of tattoos (some of which, as you can see, are the result of poor judgment of my youth!); I've lived in a Christian commune, traveled to third world countries, adopted a child of another race, and owned two businesses, all things that some people have found outrageous and risky things to do.
Despite these things that may seem kind of risky, especially when in list form, I don't do risky things without a lot of consideration, and a lot of prayer.
At 25 years of age, I began having extraordinary back and leg pain as the result of a degenerated disc that was pressing on a nerve. After putting off going to the doctor for 9 months, I finally agreed to after spending much of a trip to Japan lying in bed unable to really move.
After exhausting all non-surgical options with no relief , my spine surgeon told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't going to get better without surgery so at age 26 I had my first back surgery. I was terrified, knowing that many, many people who have spine surgery don't get better.
Fast forward a few months postop, my leg pain had improved some, but my back hurt just as bad as ever. My life, which was once active, had been reduced to spending much of the day on the couch watching TV because I was just in too much pain to do anything else. I took antidepressants for almost a year because I was so depressed at the outcome of my surgery.
Part of my scar. Sorry, y'all; the rest is too indecent to show!
I spent the following 4 years struggling through the pain and eventually trying another round of epidural steroid injections (steroids injected into my spine! OUCH!) so I could again travel to Japan and hopefully not spend the trip laid up. Thankfully, the steroids gave me two weeks' of relief and I was able to spend some time with minimal pain, but at nearly $1,000 each it wasn't a viable long-term option for me.
So finally, after years of treatment and another MRI, which showed progression of my disc collapse, my surgeon told me it was time to consider another surgery, a spinal fusion.
WHAT?!
My heart was heavy at the thought of taking such a chance for the second time. Spine surgery is painful and spine surgery is risky. What if I didn't get better again?
I spent many months praying and considering what the right decision was. My quality of life had continued to diminish and one day, just a couple of months after we adopted Max, I bent over to dry my legs after a shower and had pain unlike any I had felt before.
I knew immediately something had changed and it was time for my second spine surgery and in early December 2012, at 30 years of age, I had my spine fused.
Screws in my spine
It's now five months later and I'm ready to make it official- the risk was worth it. God performed an amazing miracle through my surgeon (who I feel like has become part of my family!) and I'm at least 70% improved from five months ago when I was wheeled into the operating room.
The days where I struggle to move are few and far between now; every three weeks or so I have a really rough day, but I've been told to expect things to improve gradually for a year. Things are going to get even better!
Risk is scary. Risk can sometimes paralyze us from doing what is right, what could change our lives for the better, but so often what we will gain far outweighs what we may lose. And in my case, the gains have made the possibilities seem nearly infinite.
QUESTIONS: What was the biggest risk you have taken? And what did you gain? Would you do it all over again?
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